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A message to the Maemo Community

Revision as of 22:02, 21 November 2011

This profanity-infused epic rant was included in a closed-source binary released earlier this month by one of the top (ranked fourth in total karma, and second place in product karma) members of the Maemo community. I thought it was funny and sad and, aside from its homophobic and misogynistic language, largely justified and therefore worth republishing to a larger audience here on the Maemo wiki.

If "profanity-infused epic rant" doesn't sound like something you want to read, here is a good summary you can read instead.

Ah, the Maemo Community... In a time where Nokia's support for the N900 is shit, the community is said to be many members' reason for still keeping their N900. Why?

It's overrun with bitch-ass fanboys who can't even see over the bullshit in their posts. You're the Nokia equivalent of Apple's iTards, 'cept you defend a device that can only dream of selling as much as the iPhone has. And I don't even fucking like Apple!

This is mainly due to your habit of rimming Nokia; how can you see anything else with ass in your fugly faces? I guess giving it to Nokia makes you still think you can get some.

The Community Council (henceforth referred to as Benedict Arnold). Ah, a fucking joke if I ever heard one.

'The Council's mission is to "represent the Maemo community's best interests to Nokia[...]"'.

Right, what improvements from Nokia have they brought you?

Instead, all they do is defend Nokia in cases where it does not deserve to be defended.

Yep, that's a Benedict Arnold for you: To Serve Nokia and Spread Nokia Bullshit.

The Member defending Nokia in the case of Flash: It's hard to see whilst you're bumming Nokia, but they're not delivering an official update to MeeGo.

Sorry if it comes as a surprise. Why would Nokia bother with Flash, even, in that case?

And when Adobe seem to be offering it for other platforms, guess what? It's Nokia's fault - not Adobe's, idiot.

Oh, and congrats on your vapourware project: Shepherd. I have to give you credit there - that is the best karma-whoring scheme I've seen in a while. Just like your "Qt Tablet Encoder" (which, FWIW, did look good on paper), eh?

Of course, I can't defend Adobe since Flash Player is closed - the same thing I'm berating Nokia for - but it's hard not to call you out on your bullshit.

To another: Your article was a good start, but you soon went back to lubricating that Nokia cock that's jammed up your ass.

Like the last time when they laid you off (loyalty, eh? God knows you seem to be a glutton for punishment),

they're still fucking you now, like a little bitch.

Ah, the self-proclaimed "Super Testers".

Plainly put: You suck.

I won't extend that sentiment as it'd be unclear who'd be more offended: you or genitalia for being placed in the same sentence as you.

There's nothing "super" about you; my balls are more super than you, dickless cunts.

The last time I uploaded an app there, none of you touched it and nor did you even mention it in your reports.

It's skets like you and the idiotic QA rules devised by retards that is resulting in everyone heading for Extras-Devel.

I'm not sure what's more sad, that or the fact those rules were devised so that Extras could be enabled by default.

The funny thing here is that Nokia are having doubts about doing the same in MeeGo (and there was me thinking it was meant to be open... decisions and code... We'll see just exactly what you choose to open in your variant, Nokia) and that their own repository, Ovi, happens to be way more lax when it comes to requirements and rules.

Naturally, this one's gonna stay in Extras-Devel to encourage its use and because I don't want it being reviewed by spastics, many of whom wouldn't have the first idea where to start in Scratchbox but get all wet when they see "Super Tester" next to their name.

Ah, Nokia, I seem to remember you touting an "open" device. If so, why are most of your components closed and requests to have source to said component either ignored or WONTFIX? In fact during the install of this program, I had to modify the volume applet with sed to stop it from interfering because it's closed!

And then there are those posting on Talk that it is open and then tens and tens of these tiny-dicked fanboys/pussyholes with no knowledge of the platform for shit jump on the Thanks! button in hope that Nokia will cum in their mouths.

Fuck you, cunts; it's spastics like you fucking up the community. Go back to sucking a Nokia dick in private, fucking knobjockey wastemen, and repeating their bullshit. Do tell your experience in a Talk post; I'm sure many other like-minded retards will hit the Thanks! button on your posts.

Another group that brings me laughs: Those saying that Nokia > Google in terms of both privacy and openness. Bitches, please. Read up on "My Nokia". Openness? Haha, even the largely populated Nokia Binaries repository only has a fraction of what's on your "open" device.

Oh, to that guy demanding donations in his signature and then whining he's only recieved a few: YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THEM. Your package just Depends on others' hard work and consists of running a few commands in its postinst, and even those aren't original - they were posted a long while back.

You're a fucking insult to those making proper programs (not vapourware ones), you know, with GUIs an' all.

And to that Frenchman on IRC who feels the need to add a comment about me everytime my name is mentioned: Fuck off.

Despite my apologising to you for my undeserved comments towards you, you still feel the need to make them about me, now, esp. when I'm not there.

Sure... I'm no looker, I skip instead of walking and I lack social skills.

But, still, do tell me: How the fuck do *you* manage to get girls? The only time I ever saw you (thank God),... well, put it this way: You wouldn't be Weight Watchers' first choice when it came to picking a rep. What happened? You couldn't locate your knob amidst all that flab when trying to stick it into a blow-up doll? Gave up and attached a strap-on to it and took it in the back? A shame it's had to come to this, as I did like you, believe it or not.

If any of you feel offended by the above, feel free to remove my programs (incl. rootsh - yes, bitches, that also happens to be mine), but know that this message is being displayed everytime this is run. I'd feel better knowing that my programs weren't being used by bellends who can't tell their ass from their mouth.

Consider this message and program (my last, incidentially) to be a present to a shitty community. (The picture by Russian exiles in Switzerland talking of how the tsars run everything and how the Church mislead you could be applied to this community, with Nokia at the top and the Benedict Arnolds with their tosser fanboys underneath.)

Oh, how liberating it's been to leave this community and its accumulated collection of wankers and fuckwads who smile their jizz-covered teeth in anticipation of recieving a creampie from Nokia in the ass after they write their post defending them - be it on Flash or their supposed openness. Please feel free to pass on this message when you see it.

Call me motherfuckin' Santa Claus, 'cause I leave your mums with a white chin. Skeet skeet skeet.

If you are able to look at both sides of the coin; see Nokia's bad as well as bad consistently, then please know that the above doesn't apply to you. After all, they have been known to make good decisions (hint: GTK).

P.S. Thank you to the few friends who didn't give Nokia head at every chance they got I did make.

P.P.S. To those stating "I'm no fanboy!", whilst still managing to get tiny hard-ons at the mention of Nokia putting Angryman 2 into the Ovi Store, you are, bitches, right down to that Nokia dick you're humping. Have fun, and don't forget to check for diseases.

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